The Cost of Unresolved Conflicts, 01 is enormous. A few years ago, my 2 maternal uncles had a conflict. Their 4 sisters summoned a settlement meeting in their Villa. Somehow, I was invited, perhaps as an honoured grandson. No other grandson. I went.
At the meeting, their sisters (my 4 aunts) prevailed on their 2 brothers to forgive themselves and that they’re not here for anyone to recount what made him angry, or his grievances or misgivings or make any statement. I kept mute in my usual characteristics, noting a serious error in the evolving process. When all were tired, someone observed that their honourable grandson, the consultant, my humble self had not said or gestured anything despite their prolonged argument – so, let’s allow him to speak.
Ok, I stood up. I told the gathering that the peace they want is desirable, but is been sought erroneously by these sisters. They want to resolve Conflicts but ignore reconciliation and of managing the conflict. It’s impossible to settle disputes, mediate, resolve Conflicts, reconcile warring parties, and manage entire Conflicts without the first principle/step: HEARING THE BONE OF CONTENTION. Peace starts with talking it out TOGETHER.
It’s like what happens in my nation: too many efforts to resolve but not to manage Conflicts. People always assume that;
+ Time will tell,
+ Time will heal.
Can I tell you the truth? Can I?
– ONLY TRUTH CAN HEAL
– TIME WILL TICK: SO, WAITING FOR TIME TO TELL IS STUPID & NONSENSICAL.
CONFLICTS? CRISIS? FIGHT?
Conflicts are when there’s disharmony between two thoughts, between what is said and what is heard… When John wants A and Johnny wants A, and there’s no compromise between John and Johnny, Conflict occurs. When this conflict is not handled well, it snowballs into CRISIS, and when the crisis is not nipped in the bud, it tends to protest riots, demonstrations, and upheaval. If not suppressed, it might lead to FIGHT or war as the case may be.
When the conflicting parties belong to the same group, family, business organization/company, or even nation, the price of warfare is almost always greater than either side can hope to gain. [Don’t read this paragraph just like that, eat it over 10x.] I see this situation everywhere;
+ in organizations
+ In my country
+ In my uncles’ houses
+ in my state
+ etc.;
each party/side to the Conflict paying a price (LOSING) far greater than the side hopes to gain.
# Each part of my country lost more than she thought possible to gain…
# Each of my uncles lost more than he thought possible to gain… A month later, the matter their sisters forced them not to talk out (vent) snowballed into heavy hatred and crisis. [their grandson was right.]
# State faction actors lose more than they thought they could gain.
# Same for organization.
Why?
PEOPLE ARE IMPATIENT TO DISCUSS SIGNS OF CONFLICTS, OR CONFLICTS PROPER, AND WOULD RUSH INTO relationship/bonding, saying;
+ Let’s forgive and forget (it’s impossible).
+ Time will take care of it (it’s “impossicant”).
+ Time will heal the wound (time isn’t balm).
- All problems in our land have shown signs over 100 years, some people think time will heal.
- All divorces show signs at the first, second, or third meeting, but someone will think I’m or we are in love and can manage the already signaled crack when they start living together.
- All devices/equipment and vehicles’ failures show signs of Conflict before breakdown.
But humans are specialists in ignoring Conflict signs
WHAT ARE THE COSTS OF UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS?
Space is gone, see me in Part 2.
