The primary way people receive corrections is one of the reasons there is too much trouble in the world. People hardly receive corrections in the same spirit the ‘corrector’ sends it or wants it to be received. Again, I’m not talking of criticism, but corrections. See a few of my findings;
- It Makes You Better Than Them.
Some think that when they receive correction from you, it means you’re superior, better, and more informed. This is especially seen when corrections go horizontally among peers or upwardly from subordinate to superior. Caveat: you don’t correct superiors casually or in a way that he feels reduced or ridiculed. But go ahead to correct the superior using courtesy and presenting your correction as alternatives or suggestions and pressing gently, knowing it’s your duty to preserve his respect. If you can’t handle the correction, use the superior’s peer.
- It Belittles/Reduces Them.
Many think that accepting corrections belittles/reduces them. It doesn’t. This is not the same as #1. Read carefully. Receiving the correction appears that they don’t know much as they camouflage or think. But nobody knows much. Humility teaches us so. By knowledge, some of us have come to know that by the time when you begin to dig deep into any area of knowledge, you discovered you’ve not known much, perhaps empty. So, when corrected, don’t feel belittled or reduced. No one knows much as such. It is pride that causes one to think so, and pride must be killed before it kills the correction rejecter [not you].
- Ego Problem.
Many people have super inbuilt-ego [everyone has an ego] in their career or progression practice that makes correcting them to be a fight. I see this every day among my colleagues. With due respect to them, examples of such groups from my findings [add yours] include lecturers, lawyers, etc. Conversely, these groups of people like corrections; they’re politicians, coaches, etc. Lecturers and lawyers assume that what you know, they know it also. They feel you ‘googled’ [searched] it [for lecturers] or was it not in the same law book they buy [for lawyers] respectively, then you copied it. [Please I may be wrong small, but right big.] Lawyers receive corrections from learned senior colleagues but not from unlearned ‘civilians’ like us. Have you bothered that in spite of being legalese, lawyers have top-ranking divorce cases – refusal to accept corrections from unlearned ‘civilians?
- They are convinced of the sentiments/position they hold on it.
Many don’t accept correction not because of the above #1-#3, but because they are convinced of the sentiments, correctness, and position they hold on a matter. Have you bothered to ask people suffering hail in an abusive violent relationship and they know their life is the #1 thing they’ve, not the relationship, yet they continued in the abusive relationship? Okay, have you seen people suffering & dying in extreme poverty and they know that there can be respite if there is a change, and they choose to continue the suffering by refusing the change? Do you know why? It is clannish, religious, tribal, opinion, and group sentiments, not that they didn’t like your correction. A cliché says that there are 3 people you cannot correct: a woman madly in love, a woman patronizing a prophet, and a beneficiary of …. [a bad government].
- Change Allergic People
Next, is people who don’t like change. Some people by nature, and training, hate change. They are people who hate growth, new experiences, and learning. When the correction is to appeal to new knowledge, forget it. They flame up.
- When the corrector’s presentation is not fitting, decent, or perhaps insulting.
Yes, I know many will jump to this as their reason for refusal of correction. Can I shock you? That mannerism does not justify your rejection of correction. You cannot throw away the bad water and the child. Hear me, and hear me well: if you feel insulted anytime you are corrected, the “insult mirror” is inside of you. What you see in people is partly because the mirror is inside of you. The Bible says, “To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure, but even their mind and conscience are defiled”. Titus 1:15 NKJV
So, don’t magnify the insult and ignore the presenter, but take his/her message [content, information] and use it to deliver yourself first. Politicians can take messages from anyone, anyhow, anytime.
- People reject messages because of Privacy flaws.
A correction that is supposed to be private is supposed not to be given publicly or before someone else. Many corrections are next-person allergic. Some require heart-to-heart, face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball or whispering talk, nodding, and eye contact. Maintain the sensitivity demanded, and your correction will be accepted. For you on the receiving end, be more tolerant and forgiven, even when your privacy policy is breached.
- The channels or medium of transmission are improper.
This is key in communication. Remember, correction is a sort of communication. A correction that is supposed to be physically one-on-one should not be done on the phone or in writing. There’s a difference, body movement can’t generate a message pen+paper or airwaves cannot generate. Channels of transmitting the correction matter i.e. why WhatsApp and all IM [Instant Messaging] provide in their menus; Message Privately, Reply Privately, Report Post.
- it makes them succumb, and submit/admit they’ve erred and should ask for forgiveness.
This is different from #2-#3 again, please. In their mind, they may know that correction is fit for them but they don’t want to be the ones to ask for forgiveness. Example: have you not seen a husband that is been corrected and refused? Why? Immediately he accepts the correction, he may be asked to say sorry to the wife… and because the ego-husband does not want to appear weak, or show succumb, admit error, and submit to reconciliation, he rejects the correction. They think this correction humbles them. Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he said “let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted”. Many see correction as persecution, contradiction, and oppression.
- ITK Mentality Syndrome
Correction is an avenue for learning – is a learning channel. When someone refuses to learn, he thinks he knows it all {ITK – I Too Know} and therefore needless learning from correction and others. He thinks he’s never wrong, and again as said before, that’s pride – pride is at the root of not taking correction.
- Not being open-minded.
None of the open-minded people do accept correction. They may not recognize they have this defect. Correcting them amounts to defensiveness and fighting. They are adamant, and far from knowing that what they are doing is wrong. Hear me, “being open to correction means making ourselves vulnerable, and many people are not willing to do that,” said Myles Munroe. That’s why they fight correction…but we must stop fighting correction.
Question
Why are some people so quick to defend themselves when they feel their ego is threatened or trampled upon via correction? Is it because their ego is better than growth, or just foolishness?
Why does it hurt you or some persons when told that they are wrong? Why does such feel threatened?
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