Boundaries

Boundaries – constructing boundaries in life.

How many of you have experienced such expression in the light of corresponding behaviours?

• Somebody wanted to do something anyhow and get away with it to his advantage and your disadvantage. And you said NO. Be more detailed. More principled. Do it the right way. He or she says, “I think you profess/confess to be a leader?” Why not let the person have his or her way?
• Someone wants to cheat or manipulate you, but you said NO. He or she uses RELIGION or church/mosque membership, you said DO WHAT IS WRITTEN, or the POLICY POSITION. The person says, “I think you’re a Christian, or our church member?”
• someone wants to take your right or place, and you said NO. The person says I think you’re an elder? Why not ignore that and accepted to be humiliated, insulted, rubbished?

I believe every one of us experiences this type of repugnant insult.
You know the underlying DEMAND of those 3 cases? it is: please NEVER put a boundary in your life. Let your life be borderless, so that everyone will come and go Let your life have no principle and value.
I see these cases always.
People want to take advantage of you to stomach ‘shit’ because you’re a leader, elder, or Christian. That’s people for you.
As a leader, set BOUNDARIES; tolerable, allowable points in your life. Beyond that, NO WAY. Please be in the know that humanity practices wickedness for every reason imaginable.
Construct Boundaries INTENTIONALLY.

With Boundaries – The Needs for  Boundaries

Boundary construction will give you;

1. The ability to be emotionally attached to others, yet without giving up a sense of self and one’s freedom to be APART (freedom to be apart is one of the greatest freedoms you should have).
2. The ability to say an appropriate NO to others without fear of loss of LOVE (fear of loss of love is one of the most enslaving fears that makes people most stupid).
3. The ability to take appropriate NO from others without withdrawing emotionally.

Not constructing boundaries in life can make your life out of control. People take advantage of you. People don’t like you constructing boundaries or setting limits around your life. They don’t want you to be principled.  They want your life to be an open field of play. Without boundaries, balance in life will be an illusion. Boundaries define who you are and who you are not.

Areas to Set Boundaries

All areas of your life need or require boundaries.

• Physical boundaries – help us define /determine who may touch us or not, and under what circumstances.
• Mental boundaries – give us the freedom to have our thoughts and opinions
• Emotional boundaries –  help us to deal with our emotions and disengage from the MANIPULATIVE, HARMFUL emotions of others: “you say you be this and that…”
• Spiritual boundaries – help us distinguish God’s will from ours sharply, without confusing the two.

Emotional Blackmailers

People who don’t want you you to have boundaries are emotional blackmailers. Beware of them: “I think you say you are a Christian?”, “I think you say you are a leader?”, “I think you are old?” These are emotional styles of blackmailing you, witchcrafting you, so that you give up YOUR DEFENSE. Your defense is at your prerogative to lower, use, or forego, not at  the instance of a blackmailer.

• Emotional blackmailers want you to focus on being loving and unselfish while you’re forgetting your strength and limitations. This is ERROR!!!
• Emotional blackmailers want you to focus on being friendly and maintaining acceptability while forgetting to give leadership. This is ERROR!!!

When I started growing deeper in Leadership and Faith, I discovered 2-prowl truth;

Truth 1

Leaders don’t seek for friends, approvals, censorships, even followers, mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. Leaders don’t have these people. People make up their minds and choose to make themselves followers, sisters, brothers, sons, fathers, mothers, or friends to a leader on their own. The leader’s consciousness of trying to live on two impossible things: BEING GOOD [friendly] and still LEADING is the primary reason leaders fail. You can’t live with two opposites at the same time. When people asked Jesus, “Leader, we have foregone all – brothers, sisters, mother, father, etc.… and followed a leader (you), what shall we have? [paraphrasing]” Jesus acknowledged the truth, and said it is normal and expected: you can’t have the two BY YOUR CONSCIOUS EFFORTS. But people on their own will make themselves on their evolution, your friends, sisters, brothers, mother, fathers, or followers. Again, Jesus was told, See your mother and siblings. They came around. Jesus said, “See are they not these who hear me and do what I command that are my brothers, sisters, mother, father, and followers. As a leader, conscious seeking of friendship is not for you; otherwise, you will not question the status quo. If any will, he or she will make you his friend, follower, bro or sissy.

Truth 2

As a Christian, you have no business people loving you and you being unselfish at the expense of you breaking your limit and strength. No!!! As a matter of fact, you should do everything including loving others using yourself as a benchmark.

Next time people want to bribe you with “I think you’re a leader, elder, Christian”, with the intention of MANIPULATING you, know ye that, that blackmailer is angry and does not like the boundaries you set.

I learnt wisdom early in life, and it helped me, otherwise, I would have been a dead man by now.

Leaders, please don’t let anyone;

• Make you inefficient – inability to use and allocate resources of life prudently and economically.
• Make you ineffective – inability to DO THE RIGHT THING, contravene JUSTICE, FAIRNESS, EQUITY, even POLICY.
• Make you unproductive – inability to produce or yield viable products.

Construct limits. Construct borders. Construct boundaries.

When you see people who don’t construct boundaries and set limits, you see these seven [7] expressions, feelings, and petty answers;

1. I don’t want to appear difficult, unbending, and uncompromising.
2. Can people still love me without running away when I set boundaries?
3. What are my boundary areas to start with?
4. What if people can’t keep or respect my boundaries?
5. How do I answer anyone who wants my love, time, attention, energy and money, knowing he or she can upset my boundaries?
6. Aren’t constructing boundaries being difficult or selfish?
7. Why do I feel guilty when trying to construct boundaries?

Leaders ought to set limits and construct boundaries in their lives.

Mike Ihezuo is a leader developer. He questions statuesque and by experience has discovered that leaders have no conscious assignment of looking or seeking for followers, friends, sisters, brothers, fans, etc. These people NATURALLY follow the leader. Why? He or she is a leader. Flies naturally follow who carries an odoriferous substance. Mike Ihezuo can be reached on CONTACT.